I like this time in the evening, when everyone is asleep (for a few minutes anyway) and I can relax for a bit. There is no pressure at the end of the day, no expanse of daylight set out before me by which to accomplish x number of To Do's. Evening is the time to say "that'll do". What's left will wait 'til next sunrise. Now I can boil some water for tea, reheat the leftover apple pie, and put my feet up on the coffee table amongst stacks of clean laundry, a half-sorted pile of mail and a still-warm pizza box.
It was a good day today. After hubby left for work in the dark, I pulled baby into the empty warm spot beside me and we slept on and off until late into the morning. I have figured out how to nurse him while lying down- JOY. It's not nearly as easy as it sounds. We eventually got up and fell into our morning routine;
Feed baby, change & dress baby, everyone downstairs. Let dog out, feed dog. Feed mama. Read favourite blogs, plan day. Clean kitchen. Feed baby.
The day carried on from there in fits and starts as it does these days. Nothing is smooth anymore, which is not a complaint, just a change. Every simple task, errand, plan- is layered with the new complexities of having a constant infant companion- one who may at any given moment demand to be latched to my boob, have his diaper changed, or simply scream for no conceivable reason, with no regard for where we are or what I am trying to accomplish.
I'm getting used to it. The first time I ventured out to the grocery store a week after Hunter was born I was like a gopher coming out of its hole expecting eagles to swoop down on it. He must have sensed my fear and uncertainty- he started wailing as soon as we entered the store. I raced around like a confused crazy person, grabbing random food items while frantically trying to sooth this inconsolable little thing who had never seen such bright lights before. I could barely contain my tears of frustration and embarrassment as I tried to rock the shopping cart with one hand and scan my groceries through the self check-out with the other hand, convinced that everyone was staring at me thinking I was the worst new mother on the planet. Fast forward six weeks, and I can already laugh at myself. Now I've learned things like- it's okay if your kid cries in the grocery store; people are staring at your baby because he's cute, not at you because you're incompetent; and the car seat fits onto the bars where the older kids sit so you don't have to put it in the cart and pile your groceries on top of the baby. Ohhh...
Hunter is spending his second night in his crib tonight. So far he's been sound asleep for an hour up there. We've had him in a bassinet beside the bed up until now, and he's usually ended up in bed with us at some point during the night. Yes I know that goes against all the parenting advice out there (I also put blankets in the crib- tsk tsk)- but you tell me you wouldn't do it when you haven't slept in 2 months and you know he'll stop fussing as soon as he's snuggled next to you. It's like balancing a deep fried Mars bar on a fat kid's nose and telling him not to move even when it drips onto his lips.
Tomorrow I hope to do all sorts of things; hem the new curtains, go for a long walk in the beautiful October air, seal the very old windows upstairs with temporary caulk, finish my second chalkboard paint project, bake more bread and organize all the crap in the downstairs hallway. Very little of that will get done, if any, but that's okay. There will be lots of coaxing baby smiles, kissing baby toes, rocking, cuddling and smelling the top of his head. That To Do list always gets done.